Traditionally, we are accustomed to the divorce model which involves two parties engaging in a battle of words and deeds, in the courtroom, over children, property and all issues in between. The results are dictated by a judge - before whom the parties have appeared. This often has a lose-lose feeling to it - as neither party really gets what they seek and the relationship between the parties is even more damaged than when the divorce proceedings were initiated. The losers also include the children - whether minors or adults - friends and extended family.

Is there a better way? Yes - Cooperative Divorce.

It is an alternative dispute resolution process which:
•Avoids battling in court
•Minimizes hostility and encourages cooperation
•Avoids having a judge dictate the terms of a judgment
•Is private and confidential
•Honors the individuals, their emotions, their needs
•Relies on good-faith negotiation and full disclosure of all facts
•Involves constructive problem solving
•Looks to the future instead of dwelling on the past
•Encourages a resolution which honors the children and their best interests
•Neutralize conflict
•Addresses all aspects: emotional, financial, legal & spiritual
•Is less costly to each party

The keystone to this process is Mediation. While the parties will often choose to be represented by attorneys who will be available to advise them, the parties will achieve most of their results through sitting down with a trained domestic relations mediator.
This confidential mediation process allows the parties to address their concerns and all issues in a respectful and dignified setting. The parties come to the table with all information readily accessible without resorting to the lengthy and costly “discovery” process which the traditional litigation route involves.

Issues involving the children are addressed first - focusing on the very best interest of each of every child. Setting the stage for a solid future relationship with each parent and creating a nurturing environment for interaction in all future events.

When experts are needed, the parties are able to retain neutral parties to assist them, splitting the costs and therefore saving money. This may take the form of a financial advisor who can assist the parties in dividing assets, valuing property and pension plans and restructuring debt; child therapists to assist the children in handling the difficulty of divorce; mortgage professionals to assist with refinancing the marital home; accountants to value family owned businesses; real estate appraisers to value the marital home and other real property.

The goal of this process is to assist the parties in their transition from a married couple to single individuals. This is a team approach which is solution oriented.
While this process is not new, it is now just coming to Northern Michigan. The Divorce Squad is a group of individuals who have associated to make this process a reality. It is composed of trained domestic mediators, such as myself, “mediation friendly” domestic attorneys, certified financial planners, psychologists and therapists for children and adults, accountants, mortgage specialists.

As a trained Domestic Relations Mediator, I meet with divorcing couples to assist them in resolving their disputes and structuring a settlement concerning their children and their property. There is no retainer. The parties split the cost and are on a pay as they go system with payment tendered after each session. The number of sessions will vary according to the complexity of the issues. It may be possible to resolve all issues after a one hour meeting with each party and one or two, two hour mediation sessions. It may require more meetings.

Is Cooperative Divorce for you? Ask yourself the following questions:

• Would you like to truly celebrate your child's wedding together?
• Is it important to be able to co-parent your children?
• Is there value in your children not being emotionally scarred from your divorce?
• Do you want to have your ex support your visions for your children?
• Is it important to be able to look in your adult son or daughters eyes knowing you ended their most important relationship with dignity and integrity?
• Do you value having your children grow up in a safe, respectful, non-abusive atmosphere?___
• Would you prefer to not live under the threat of going back to court constantly?
• Would you like to not have to continually obsess on the unsatisfactory experiences that occurred in your divorce?
• What is it worth to live your life from love, not hate?
• Are you more interested in moving on with your life than in perpetuating a marital battle in court?
• Do you want to be in control of your own future and not dependent upon who has the best attorney?
• Do you want to be in control of your destiny, including custody and financial support issues, rather than relying on a court's decision?

It is a cost effective and respectful process which honors each individual.